The very sad, but very real truth

Firstly, i would just like to point out that i am not blogging about this for sympathy, or to air my dirty laundry in public, as the saying goes - that really isn't my style. Im not going to go into massive detail, but this is something i have to write for my own sake, but aswell as that, i hope that if anybody is going through this or knows somebody going through it, then hopefully this might be of help.

Basically, i had been with my boyfriend for 2 and a half years, he's in the army. He got posted to Gloucester in June, and i'd had enough of my hometown (Lancashire) so we both decided to move in together, so i left my life up North, my friends, my family, and we got a place here in Gloucester. We had always been so close, we had an unbreakable bond, or so i thought. When i moved, lots of stories came around how he had basically been cheating with lots of differant girls the whole time we had been together, i had girls messaging me, and i found lots of MSN conversations, pictures, emails, hotel bookings which all added up to - IM A MUG.

As if being cheated on isn't soul destroying enough, i lost who i was as a person. Im known for being strong, confident, and independant. But i turned into an insecure mess. I was convinced i could never do any better in life and that i NEEDED him. My girls noticed a massive differance in me, and found out to an extent what had been going on, they wanted to tell my mum because i refused to do so (i am ridiculously close to her) and said i would disown them if they did.

I was STUPID, and stayed here when i should of walked away, and everything took a turn for the worse. Things got out of control and violent. It's at this point that i won't go into alot of detail, but he was making my life hell, physically and emotionally. Last night, i was pushed to damn far, i looked at the phone and i knew who i had to ring - my mum. She was absolutely distraught, because i always put a brave face on around her, pretending i was happy even though i was dying inside, and she thought my bf was an angel because he was so differant around other people. She has been my rock through all of this, and has now made arrangements for all my stuff to be packed and collected on Wednesday, and i will be returning home aswell.

Telling my mum was the hardest thing i've ever had to do, and i also have to tell my new job tommorow (i was settling in so well) that i won't be coming back which is quite sad. I've had so much support from my friends and family, which makes me really lucky, but anybody who is reading this and going through something similar - PLEASE tell somebody the truth.

Im so sorry i have rambled on, i don't even know if it all makes sense but i had to get it out of my system. When i return home, it's going to take a long time, but im going to make sure i get back on my feet. I won't let a man BOY ruin my life. He simply isn't worth it. Yes im going to be a wreck to be fair, and im absolutely heart broken, but this pain WILL fade eventually, the pain of staying here was just getting worse.

I will be joining the gym aswell, not only to get fit, but it helps clear my mind when i work out. And having a wage entirely to myself, rather than spending it on a house/bills means i will be drowning myself in MAC, Chanel, clothes, shoes, jewellery - and copious amounts of alcohol. I really hope people understand how hard it was for me to write this, and WHY i wrote this post. It's been somewhat therapeutic.

We're only in March - i still have 9 months to make 2011 my year...