Sunday 6 March 2011

The very sad, but very real truth

Firstly, i would just like to point out that i am not blogging about this for sympathy, or to air my dirty laundry in public, as the saying goes - that really isn't my style. Im not going to go into massive detail, but this is something i have to write for my own sake, but aswell as that, i hope that if anybody is going through this or knows somebody going through it, then hopefully this might be of help.

Basically, i had been with my boyfriend for 2 and a half years, he's in the army. He got posted to Gloucester in June, and i'd had enough of my hometown (Lancashire) so we both decided to move in together, so i left my life up North, my friends, my family, and we got a place here in Gloucester. We had always been so close, we had an unbreakable bond, or so i thought. When i moved, lots of stories came around how he had basically been cheating with lots of differant girls the whole time we had been together, i had girls messaging me, and i found lots of MSN conversations, pictures, emails, hotel bookings which all added up to - IM A MUG.

As if being cheated on isn't soul destroying enough, i lost who i was as a person. Im known for being strong, confident, and independant. But i turned into an insecure mess. I was convinced i could never do any better in life and that i NEEDED him. My girls noticed a massive differance in me, and found out to an extent what had been going on, they wanted to tell my mum because i refused to do so (i am ridiculously close to her) and said i would disown them if they did.

I was STUPID, and stayed here when i should of walked away, and everything took a turn for the worse. Things got out of control and violent. It's at this point that i won't go into alot of detail, but he was making my life hell, physically and emotionally. Last night, i was pushed to damn far, i looked at the phone and i knew who i had to ring - my mum. She was absolutely distraught, because i always put a brave face on around her, pretending i was happy even though i was dying inside, and she thought my bf was an angel because he was so differant around other people. She has been my rock through all of this, and has now made arrangements for all my stuff to be packed and collected on Wednesday, and i will be returning home aswell.

Telling my mum was the hardest thing i've ever had to do, and i also have to tell my new job tommorow (i was settling in so well) that i won't be coming back which is quite sad. I've had so much support from my friends and family, which makes me really lucky, but anybody who is reading this and going through something similar - PLEASE tell somebody the truth.

Im so sorry i have rambled on, i don't even know if it all makes sense but i had to get it out of my system. When i return home, it's going to take a long time, but im going to make sure i get back on my feet. I won't let a man BOY ruin my life. He simply isn't worth it. Yes im going to be a wreck to be fair, and im absolutely heart broken, but this pain WILL fade eventually, the pain of staying here was just getting worse.

I will be joining the gym aswell, not only to get fit, but it helps clear my mind when i work out. And having a wage entirely to myself, rather than spending it on a house/bills means i will be drowning myself in MAC, Chanel, clothes, shoes, jewellery - and copious amounts of alcohol. I really hope people understand how hard it was for me to write this, and WHY i wrote this post. It's been somewhat therapeutic.

We're only in March - i still have 9 months to make 2011 my year...


22 comments:

  1. You're very strong for getting out of it, many women stick around for way longer and things get even worse. You should be really proud of yourself and know that you're a million times better than how he treated you (: you'll be back on top in no time, what doesn't kill you can only make you stronger as they say!xx

    Emma xx

    http://howquicklytheglamourfades-x.blogspot.com

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  2. Thankyou Emma - i really appreciate that comment! I feel stronger just knowing i managed to do something i once thought was impossible and leave him! xxx

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  3. I really hope writing that made you feel better or at least lifted a little load off your mind! I know all too well how hard it is to leave, but I hope your life gets better and better from here. The thing I've learnt most is everything happens for a reason, and even rubbish stuff teaches us valuable lessons. Lots of hugs to you.
    Sarah
    sparkle-and-grey.blogspot.com

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  4. Thankyou Sarah, im a big believer that everything happens for a reason. Im sure that things from here can only get better (here's hoping anyway) surely couldn't of gotten any worse!
    xxx

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  5. I hope your okay babe, this must have been so horrible for you to go through + write about. Im glad you've told your mum, +i bet she is so proud of you for having the guts to finally leave him, he doesnt deserve you! Although things are crappy now, they can only get better, and just keep on thinking about all the new things you can buy, haha! Stay strong lovely!x

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  6. Thankyou Molly - you bloggers are so kind! It really did take alot of courage, but im so glad i did it, i would hate for anybody to go through what i've been through, and it's so sad that the reality is people go through this everyday, and it's even worse when they have kids and are married - i was lucky to get out when i did xxx

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  7. Sending hugs your way bb, I can't even imagine how crap it must be to move your entire life for someone who doesn't deserve you! Lots of shopping & alcohol sounds good to me ;) xx

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  8. Thanks darling it means alot :)

    Omg, i've just realised who you are aswell - i absolutely LOVE your blog, it truely is one of my faves :) xxxx

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  9. Thank you so much for your lovely comment, it made my day! And your story is incredibly touching. You are brave and beautiful and should feel so proud of yourself. I wish I had that kind of courage. x

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  10. Megan that comment brought a tear to my eye - thankyou so much,i can't believe how kind everybody on here has been, i really do appreciate it! It took me a hell of a long timeto pluck up the courage, but im glad i got there in the end :) xx

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  11. Well done you for getting out of such a shit situation, he should feel damn ashamed of himself, men who are violent and mentally abusive towards women are cowards!!

    You should feel proud of yourself, it may take a while but you'll be fine in time and realise that walking away is the best thing you ever did.

    Sadie xx

    http://brandnewbutterflywings.blogspot.com/

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  12. Thankyou Sadie - i wish he did feel ashamed, and i wish he would show remorse, but he simply doesn't care, which i guess hurts even more - he's just interested in the next woman he can sleep with tbh!

    It will take a long time, but i hope there will be light at the end of the tunnel :) im currently bagging/boxing up all my things, it's so emotional - but it has to be done :(

    xxx

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  13. Maybe in time he'll realise just how much of an ass he really is, but by that time you'll be well shot of him, i feel sorry for the next woman. You did the right thing hun, onwards and upwards :) xx

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  14. oh Laura this made me really sad to read :( you gave up so much for him. I can totally empathize with you here, my ex of two years ended up cheating on me (i stupidly took him back after he drunkenly kissed another girl before he decided that cyber sex with a 17 year old was much better than me!) anyway, it's honestly made me stronger as a person; i had the best summer after we broke up being single! and I met my now boyfriend six months who i've been with for 18 months and couldn't be happier-it's made me realise how unhappy i really was with my ex, and also how friends and family are so much more important.

    Good luck with returning home, and joining the gym is such a good idea! Honestly, you just need to keep yourself busy and in time you'll heal. Also, I believe in Karma...

    Keep smiling!

    Emma x

    http://www.handbagstogladrags.com/

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  15. Emma - thankyou so much for that comment, it's so sweet! Nice to know other people have gone through this and have managed to be happy at the end!

    I love my family to bits, but they are all going to be there to greet me tommorow and help me with my things, and because they all know what has happend, i usually hide emotion but im just going to be a wreck :( i don't want my family to see me this way!

    I just hope i can get over this quickly!

    I appreciate every comment on this post, they all mean alot girls xxxx

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  16. Hey hun. Just read this.
    I think it's really great that your being strong and just moving on. You don't know what great things and people are waiting around the corner for you.
    Hold your head up high.
    becci xxxx

    Faint hearted Sparrow.

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  17. Thankyou Becci :)

    My actions might seem strong, but i don't even know what to feel anymore :(

    xxx

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  18. Hey doll, just letting you know, that i pretty much went through exactly the same thing a few years ago..I thought my world was going to fall apart, and it did for a little while. You have to realise you deserve so much better, I didnt even believe it when my friends and family were telling me this, so it probably wont help a stranger telling you..but just know I know exactly how you feel, and my thoughts are with you!!

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  19. What a total dick head. He must be STUPID.

    Really sorry to hear you're having a shitty time. Are you planning any kind of revenge? 9I am a real bitch when someone pisses me off... Think Shirley in Eastenders crazy bitch type)

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  20. @ Hannah Michelle - thanks hunny, it's really refreshing to know that others have gone through this and managed to find happiness in the end :) really appreciate your comment xx

    @ Katkins - I made sure i cleaned the toilet before i left...with his toothbrush :) And i have literally taken EVERYTHING from the house, i say everything, i did leave him a mop, a broken hoover and a tub of cream cheese - what more does a man need? LOL!!!

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  21. aw. my dear. lots of us ladies have been there. you are def not alone in this. leaving your home and moving with the person you love is SUCH a huge step im so sorry it had to end that way. though i hope you gave him a piece of your mind (and the back of your hand) on the way out...can't help it. the man sounds like a total douche bag and you deserve better my dear
    kisses!
    http://lebellemimi.blogspot.com/

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  22. oh this is so sad, break ups are the worst thing without being cheated on to add to it. i really feel your pain. at least you got out of it now and he can no longer hurt you, you clearly were too good for him. and its true what people say, time is the best and only healer. chin up, there is so much more to life than one pathetic immature BOY.

    Helen, X
    http://areyoudressingupordressingdown.blogspot.com

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